Help Me Fall
By Noelerin

Disclaimer: I don't own AoS, nor the Song. It was written by Skip Ewing & Donny Kees.
Author's Note: Sinbad's P.O.V. A part 2 to my "How Come?" ( song lyrics ).

The stars are so peaceful tonight, aren't they? I walked towards you when I hear your voice, smiling slightly but puzzled by an expression on your face that I have never seen there before. Or at least, I don't think I have.

( I've been trying not to love you. / I've been putting up a fight. )

I watched Bryn go below, knowing that I'd hurt her once again and yet, I don't know how I did it. I seem to be doing that an awful lot lately, and I honestly don't mean to. But if I were being truthful with myself, I know exactly why.

( I've been barely holding on. / And letting go with all my might. )

I think Mala must have known something, she didn't seem to believe me when I told her about Maeve and me being close and caring for each other. It was like she could read into my thoughts and find the truth in them-kind of like Bryn does.

( There's a part of me that's empty. / I know only love can fill. )

Then Scratch forced me to confront my feelings head on when he put that devilish choice before me. I had to choose between my family and a woman I once considered a soul mate. If Maeve is really my love, why was I not afraid for her like I was for Bryn?

( I'm afraid I'll never find it. / And I'm scared to death I will. )

Now my thoughts have brought me full circle, at least of the day's events. My hand strokes the bracelet lightly, enjoying the gentle glow of if. I hold it up and casually inspect it, this odd thing brought me to you and binds me to you.

( I've been holding conversations. / When I haven't said a word. )

Dropping my arm again, I turn my thoughts towards Maeve and me. Would you like to know about her? She's not like you, she's another kind of person. I guess she's what you would call a firebrand, and a very confusing one at that. At times I wondered if she ever knew what it was that she wanted. Her attitudes flip-flopped so often.

( I've been speaking with my silence. / And praying that you heard. )

Dim-Dim was of the opinion that we had a lot in common. Looking back, I wonder where he got that idea. I could tell that Maeve had been through a lot of pain but did she have to hurt us because of it-especially Doubar?

( I'm a walking contradiction. / I'd hate to be my heart. )

Then again, who am I to talk? As you can testify, my behavior on these past voyages has often been less than praise worthy-especially towards women and one in particular. You know that I'm talking about you. You know, you are a very hard woman to hate. There's this glow about you that even your memory loss cannot hide.

( It keeps trying not to love you. / But it don't know where to start. )

But after losing Lea and Maeve, I didn't want to go through that all over again. And you just wove yourself into my heart, pulling together the broken pieces to make me whole once more. Why do you do that to me?

( I've got to learn to re-trust. / To turn me into us. / And I really don't know if I can again. )

You talk to me, you laugh with me, and you put up with me. When others meet you after knowing Maeve, they sometimes make the mistake of thinking that you are weak. The truth is, you are stronger than us. As we found out, there is a spin of steel in that gentle frame.

( Help me fall. / Help me fall. / If you care for me at all. / Help me fall. / Help me fall. )

Maybe you don't see that, the way you heal me. It was a slow process, and it's far from over. I get the feeling that you are in for the long haul. I fear this power you have over me, yet I need in it as well.

( I've been trying not to love you. / I've been putting up a fight. )

I'm afraid, I can admit that. I am afraid to let you in but I'm more afraid of letting you go. As the sun creeps up over the horizon and lights the sky, I am no closer to finding peace in my heart. I wonder, do you often watch the night sky and think about me the way I think about you?

( I've been barely holding on. / Letting go with all my might. )

The End.

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