The waves crashed furiously on the hull of the Nomad. I held on tightly to the first thing my hands could grip: a rope. I looked up at the sky, worried. A moment ago, the sun was shinning and then, clouds appeared from nowhere. I received drops of water in my face and looked down at the enraged sea. I remembered the first storm I lived on the Nomad. I was seasick, hidden in my cabin. I was so sure the guys would throw me out for being so chicken, but they were very understandful, which suprised me at first. They gave me tips to fight against it and I now have no problem confronting storms. Though they sometimes scared me at little, but I never would admit it to any of them.
I made my way carefully to the tiller where Sinbad and Doubar were talking. They acknowledged me with a sign of the head and returned to what they were talking, which sounded important.
"We probably should make a stop to the nearest island. We don't know how it's going to turn out," Doubar explained as he tried to stay stable on his two feet.
After thinking about Doubar's suggestion, Sinbad sighed. "I guess you're right. There should be an island close by."
A cold wind started to blow. I put my arms around myself, trying to get warmer. I looked around the Nomad. I couldn't see anything. I had this strange feeling inside of me. Something horrible was about to happen. I knew it. I knew it, but I couldn't do anything to prevent it.
"Bryn? Are you okay?" I startled when I hear my name. I guess I zoomed out or something. I smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was lost in my thoughts…" I answered.
"Thinking about anything in particular?" He wondered.
I froze a moment. What did he mean? I tried to find the best answer possible. I didn't want him to worry about some stupid feeling I have. "I, hum, I was thinking about, hum…Christmas." I cursed myself for not being able to find a better answer, but it was the only thing I could think of. Of course, it was already hard to think when Sinbad was looking at me with those eyes and that smile…I blinked, and returned my attention to Sinbad. "I…was wondering how Christmas used to be for me…I wish I could remember…"
Sinbad nodded, understanding how I was feeling. His eyes went into a dreamy state. "I remember my first Christmas on the Nomad…We had stopped on a north island and during the night, it had snowed. When we woke up the next morning, everything was white. It was the first time I saw snow. And of course, Doubar and I entered in this big snowball fight…"
"Which I won, little brother!" Doubar added, joining in the conversation. He had the same expression on his face as Sinbad's.
I looked at them, smiling. "I never saw snow before," I whispered, mostly to myself. With the noise made by the wind, I wasn't sure if they heard me, or not. I sighed. They really were lucky to have each other. I envy them. Sometimes I envy them so much that it hurts inside. I wish I could remember if I have a family, a real home…I know that the Nomad is my home and the crew is my family, but there's still a part of me that wonders if I have a family somewhere in this world…
I tried to push those dark thoughts out of my mind and I thought about what Sinbad said about his first Christmas on the Nomad. It was mine too. I don't remember how snow looks like, or if I ever saw snow. I found myself wishing that the island where we're going to stop by had snow.
I must have a dreamy look on my face because I noticed Sinbad staring at me. I only hoped I wasn't blushing. I had a tendency to blush everytime he would stare at me. My heart started to beat faster and I tried to think of something to say. Anything. But I had trouble thinking clearly when he was looking at me this way, so I just smiled stupidly at him in return. He returned the smile and I felt my knees getting weaker. 'Get a hold of yourself, Bryn!' I ordored myself. "So, hum, when are we going to arrive at this island?" I asked, saying the first thing that came to my mind.
Doubar looked at me, his eyes laughing as if he knew something that I didn't. "In a couple of hours. The island's name is Trinita. We have never been there before, so maybe we could explore a little bit. I guess the storm's gonna hit pretty hard, so we'll may have to stay there a week or so."
"So we're gonna pass Christmas there," I whispered, to myself. They probably didn't hear me. I heard people talked about Christmas being the season where miracles could occur. I didn't know if I could believe in miracles, or if it was just some kind of legend. I sighed.
"Something bothering you, Bryn?" I heard Sinbad asking.
I looked up at him and saw concern in his beautiful eyes. I tried to look as cheerful as I could be. "Nothing wrong. I…I just hope we'll make it in time before the storm gets bigger," I answered lamely. I wasn't sure if he'd buy it, or not.
He nodded slowly, not sure what to believe. I couldn't blame him. Lame excuse. I knew we're gonna make it on time. But still, he put a comforting hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Don't worry. We'll arrive in time," he answered, with his usual breathtaking smile.
I could only smile in return. But I couldn't stay near him any longer, or I'd probably say or do something stupid. "I'm going to, hum, get some sleep," I said, before taking off without a look back. When I arrived in my cabin, I leaned against the door and breathed deeply. "Get a hold of yourself, Bryn!" I sighed. It was in those times I wished that the captain wasn't so cute. But I loved those feelings I got everything he's near me. I never want them to go away. I smiled a silly smile. And I started daydreaming.
<><><><><><><><><><>
I didn't saw the time pass. A moment I was dreaming in my cabin and the other, I was standing on the island, with Sinbad, Doubar, Firouz and Rongar. The air was cold and the clouds in the sky looked bigger than before. I was scared a moment that the Nomad would be drifted away on the sea, but Sinbad reassured me about it. I trusted him. We started to walk quickly, impatient to get away from the cold wind. We soon saw a village, not far away. I sighed in relief and we hurried to the inn.
As soon as we entered, the warm of the room made me feel a lot better. Doubar lead us toward a table while Sinbad went to see if there were rooms available. I looked around. There weren't many people in the inn. Just an old couple and two other men. Sinbad returned quickly, with mugs and the keys to our rooms.
"I asked the owner about the storm and he said that it happened almost every year. So I guess there's nothing to worry about." He paused a moment before continuing. "Not that I was worry."
Firouz smiled. "That storm is nothing compare to what we have seen in the past," he declared. The others agreed with him. He continued to talk, but I wasn't paying attention. I was slowly drinking my mug, lost in my thoughts again. I looked through the window, observing the trees balancing furiously at the wind's rhythm.
I was suddenly wondering how it would feel like to fly. Flying freely, all around the world. Seeing things that others can't see. I wished I could trade place with Dermott, just for one day. I sighed silently. That would never happen. I returned to Firouz and the others who were talking about a storm that happened in the past. I tried to pay attention, but my mind didn't want to focus. My thoughts then went to Sinbad. I wondered what he was thinking. He wasn't talking, but he seemed to listen. He was probably lost in his thoughts as well. Of course, he was probably not thinking about me…
"Bryn. Bryn?" I snapped out of it when I heard my name. I looked to my friends and saw that they were all looking at me with bizarre looks. Doubar frowned. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting…weird today…"
I smiled, trying to reassure them. "I'm fine. Really. I guess I'm just tired."
"Didn't you sleep when you went in your cabin?" Sinbad asked me, scratching his head.
I bit my lips. "Well, hum, yeah, a little…But I guess I'm more tired then I thought," I replied. I cursed myself as soon as the words came out. I was lying. I wasn't feeling tired at all. Why did I lie? I didn't understand why I was acting so weird. Always lost in my thoughts. That wasn't me. I couldn't face them anymore. "I guess I'll go in my room…" I said goodnight, took my key and went in my room. There, I sat near the window and stayed there, looking outside.
<><><><><><><><><><>
I was startled by a knock on the door. I blinked. I must have fallen asleep, because it was now night outside. I got up and opened the door. Sinbad. I passed a hand in my messed hair and invited him in.
"The others went in their room. I just wanted to check on you," he finally said as he sat on a chair near the window, where I was. He placed his forehead on the window, looking outside.
I smiled and I sat on the chair next to him. I observed him for awhile. He looked so innocent like that. I just wanted to run my fingers in his hair, but I controlled myself. I wasn't sure he'd react well. I followed his gaze. For a long moment, we stayed like this, looking outside, next to each other, without saying a word. It took me some times to finally notice he was now looking at me. I blushed. I was scared to face him, since we were so close.
He then suddenly got up and leaned against the wall. Only then I dared to look at him. He had a serious look on his face. "It must be hard for you in this time of year not to remember your family," he finally said, looking straight in front of him.
I closed my eyes a moment. I sometimes wondered if he was able to read in my mind. He seemed to have to ability to tell what was wrong. I now was sure he didn't believe all the excuses I kept giving today. And somehow, it made me feel better. I didn't have to hide anymore. "Yes, it is," I answered. "But I have all of you, guys. You're my family now."
He looked at me pensively. "Maybe. But it's not the same. Christmas is the time where you should be with your family. I am lucky to have Doubar, but I know that both Firouz and Rongar are thinking about their family right now. And I know you are too."
I laughed softly. I guess I was an open book to him. I wished I could read him as easily. "But it's not just about my family. It's about my past. It's a big black hole. I thought that with time, I would have flashbacks and start to remember, but it's not happening. And now I doubt it's ever going to happen." I shrugged. "But it's okay."
He shook his head. "It's not okay. You're just trying to convince yourself." He gave me a small smile. "Just know that if you ever want to talk, I'm there. Okay?"
I nodded slowly. I got up, but I then noticed that my legs were shaking. My complete body was shaking. I wanted to stop shaking, but my body refused to obey me. I wasn't in control anymore. What I was holding inside of me for so long came out. I felt a tear rolling on my cheek, followed by another, and another. And the next thing I felt was Sinbad's arms around me. I buried my face in his chest, crying softly. I didn't realize it was hurting me so much not to remember.
I then heard Sinbad talking softly in my ear. "You remember when I told you about my first Christmas on the Nomad? At first, I was sad because I was far away from my homeland. But then Doubar told me that the Nomad was now our new home. Right after, the snow started to fall and it had been one of the greatest Christmas I had since my parents died."
I stopped to cry progressively as he talked to him. I was now aware of his warm breath, caressing my ear, his strong arms holding me close. He smelled so good. It felt so good. I never wanted to let go. We stood like that a long moment, to my great pleasure. I was almost sad when he finally let go. He replaced a lock of hair and smiled.
I smiled back. "Thank you," I finally managed to say. I really meant it. I felt so much better now.
"Anytime," he answered before walking to the door. He wished me goodnight before leaving.
I immediately jumped in bed. Before closing my eyes, I remembered Sinbad's story. Christmas was tomorrow. I looked at the ceiling. "I have wished for many things in my life before. But now, there is this one thing that I really wish for, more than anything else. I…I wish that it could snow tomorrow." I closed my eyes. "For a new beginning."
<><><><><><><><><><>
The next morning, I woke up, rest and full of energy. I quickly dressed up. My stomach then immediately asked me for food. I went down at the inn's tavern. Rongar was sitting at a table, with Firouz. I joined them.
"Hey Bryn!" Firouz greeted me, happily. "Slept well?"
"Yes! Where are Sinbad and Doubar?" I asked, not seeing them anywhere.
"I think Doubar is still sleeping, and Sinbad is, humm…right here!," Firouz answered, as he just saw Sinbad entered in the inn's tavern.
Sinbad walked to us, saluting Firouz and Rongar. He then looked at him, smiling. "There's something I'd like to show you." He took my hand and dragged me to the door. "Close your eyes."
I frowned. "Why?" I asked, suspicious.
He laughed at me. "Just close them. Trust me."
Since I trusted him, I closed my eyes. I felt he was putting my cloak on. "We're going somewhere?" I asked him.
"Yes, and I'm not telling you where," he answered. He opened the door, and guided me outside. We didn't go very far, because he stopped almost immediately. "You're ready?"
I nodded. "Can I open my eyes now?" I asked him, impatiently.
"Yes."
I didn't need him to repeat. I opened my eyes. And gasped. All around me, it was….white. Completely white. The trees, the ground, everything was white. "It…it's…" I was speechless.
Sinbad, behind me, smiled. "It's snow. I guess it snowed during the night."
"It's so beautiful," I said, not believing what I was seeing. I kneeled down on my knees and took some snow in my hands. It was cold, but I didn't care. I thought it felt sweet. I felt Sinbad kneeling next to me. I looked at him and smiled. "I love it!" I felt like a child that just received the greatest gift.
Putting his arms on my shoulder, Sinbad laughed. "You haven't seen anything yet." He pushed me playfully on the ground and started throwing me snowballs.
I was soon covered with snow, but I didn't care. My revenge was coming soon. I got up quickly and jumped on Sinbad. I took him by surprise, so he fell back, me on top of him. I didn't have the time to make snowballs, so I just threw him the snow as it came in my hand. He soon managed to move from below me and encircled me from behind. I tried to break free, but he was too strong for me. Anyway, I wasn't sure if I wanted to break free, so I stayed immobile in his arms.
"You surrender?" he murmured in my ear. I could only nod. Satisfied, he sat down, still his arms around me. I had no choice but to sit down as well. I leaned against his chest and watched the forest of white trees in front of my eyes. He gently started to remove the snow in my hair. I stopped breathing a moment. After he was done, he let me go.
I turned to face him. I held my legs with my arms, put my head on my knees, and glanced at him. "I felt like a child a moment ago," I told him.
He smiled to me. "That's always how I feel when I see snow."
I wondered how he looked as a child. I bet he was just as cute as he was now. But he was much more than cute. He was…'Daydreaming again, Bryn.' I sighed. I felt so close to him right now.
I noticed we were still looking in each other's eyes. I wasn't able to look anywhere else. His eyes hypnotized me. He moved closer, my heart started to beat faster. His hand started to caress my cheek. I felt so weak, and yet, a strong feeling overwhelmed me at the same moment.
"You're really special to me, Bryn," he whispered. His face was now so close to mine that if I just moved a little…
"There you are, little brother!"
The voice startled us both and we immediately jumped on our feet. Doubar was standing not far away, a big grin on his face. "Sorry to, hum, bother you, but I need your help with something," he said, still smiling at us. I blushed.
"Coming," Sinbad answered as he joined his brother. He looked at me one more time before entering inside the inn.
I sighed and fell back on the ground, my eyes looking at the sky. The morning had been perfect…I still wasn't sure if it was a good thing that Doubar interrupted us, or not. I shrugged. I didn't want to think about it now. One thing was for sure: Doubar is going to have the time of his life, teasing us. I laughed softly at the thought. 'He's probably telling it to Firouz and Rongar right now!'
I then remembered the wish I made before falling asleep. I wanted to see snow. I wanted a white Christmas. My wish came true. That meant a new beginning for me. Like it had been for Sinbad before. From now on, no more looks back on what my past could have been. If I couldn't remember, then be it! I could now live without knowing my past. It took me Sinbad's help to make me realize it. "Sinbad," I said, just for the pleasure to say his name. I felt like a teenager in love. I put a silly smile on my face. "In love…" I sighed dreamily.
I knew it probably wouldn't be always so perfect. But Sinbad was there. And Doubar, Firouz and Rongar. My friends. I smiled and thanked whoever made my wish came true. And mostly that my bad feeling was only just a feeling, nothing more. Nothing could ruin this white Christmas.
The End